


Ex

by spxcestxtion



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Not K-Pop Idols, Anger, Angst, Bang Chan & Han Jisung | Han & Seo Changbin are Best Friends, Bang Chan is a Good Hyung, Changbin is trying, College, Drinking, Flashbacks, Getting Back Together, M/M, Minho's cats make an appearance, Past Relationship(s), Post-Break Up, Sad Seo Changbin, Sad with a Happy Ending, Seo Changbin-centric, ambiguous - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2020-11-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:02:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27537271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spxcestxtion/pseuds/spxcestxtion
Summary: after their breakup, changbin can't focus. he keeps running into minho, keeps thinking about him. maybe he just needs to talk it out with the other.
Relationships: Lee Minho | Lee Know/Seo Changbin
Comments: 9
Kudos: 59





	Ex

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys! i'm currently working on the final part of the hyunsung fic, I'm just a bit busy with school and applications at the moment. i wanted to publish something just to give you guys something. i hope you enjoy it. :)

changbin runs. he runs and runs until he can’t breathe anymore. raindrops run down the side of his face, his hair sticking to his forehead, shirt so soaked he visibly shudders from the cold. he drops to the grass, head in his hands as he screams. he screams so loud he’s scared the people around him might call the cops. he falls back, ignoring the way the wet grass touches his skin. he stared up at the sky, letting the raindrops hit his face, and sobs. 

_ ( eight months ago, changbin was lying in the same place, only at night. the park was empty, and he often went there to think and clear his head. he’d been staring up at the stars when a face blocked his vision and he frowned.  _

_ “can i join you?”  _

_ the voice was soft, comforting almost, and changbin’s face relaxed and he shrugged. the stranger set what sounds like a bag down before lying down beside changbin. changbin turned to get a look at the stranger, yet he couldn’t see anything in the dark.  _

_ “minho.” _

_ “what?” _

_ “my name is minho.” _

_ “changbin.”  _

_ “do you come here to think too?” minho asked.  _

_ “i guess so. it’s quiet.” _

_ “yeah it is. . .” _

_ it was silent for a few minutes before they had started talking again, minho asking changbin about his life; he old he was, where he went to school, what he studied, little things. and changbin answered without hesitation, as if giving personal information to a stranger was normal.  _

_ when they parted ways, changbin went home with a new contact in his phone and a new friend. ) _

“bin.” 

changbin ignores the voice, turning on his side and hoping it would go away. 

“bin.” 

chan’s voice rings in his ears and he groans, sitting up and shaking his head. 

“why are you here again?” 

“needed to think.”

chan chuckles, helping changbin to his feet and brushing him off. 

“you’re all soaked, you know.”

“i know. i’ll be fine.”

chan shrugs and walks off, changbin following after him slowly. chan walks him home, offering to make some tea or order some food but changbin denies, closing the door in the blonde’s face. 

“call me if you need anything.” he hears chan’s voice from the other side of the door and grimaces. he falls onto his bed with a defeated sigh, tossing his phone at the wall and hearing it hit the carpeted floor. 

when he flips onto his back, changbin screams. he screams until his throat hurts. he screams until he hears banging on his wall. the screams turn into sobs, which eventually put him to bed. 

_ ( “binnie, stop staring.” minho muttered. _

_ “sorry.”  _

_ minho’s laugh made everyone in the library scowl, several people telling him to shut up. _

_ changbin couldn’t help but laugh quietly, hiding his face in his hands.  _

_ “what are you working on?” _

_ “a new song. teacher wanted something heart wrenching. he said, and i quote ‘make me cry. i want to feel your heart breaking’.”  _

_ minho laughed again, earning another wave of scowls.  _

_ “he really said that?” _

_ “yup.” changbin sighed, setting his pencil down and pulling out his earbuds.  _

_ “can i listen to it?” _

_ changbin stared at him, frowning.  _

_ “it’s rough. i dunno-” _

_ “come on. let me hear. i’ll give you feedback.”  _

_ changbin hesitated, and watched as minho reached over, taking the earbuds out of his hands. he waited for minho to put them in his ears before rewinding the song and pressing the play button. he bit his lip, gripping the phone tightly, his knee shaking under the table from nervousness. he didn’t quite know why he was so nervous, he never really cared for anyone’s opinion on his music unless it was chan or his teacher, yet the way minho was closing his eyes and moving his head along with the beat made changbin even more nervous. _

_ when the song was finished, minho pulled the earbuds out, handing them back to changbin, a smile on his face. _

_ “it sounds good.” ) _

when he wakes up it’s well into the night, and when it takes him a minute or two to find his phone in the darkness of his room. when he turns his phone on, the brightness blinds him for a few seconds and he rubs his eyes.

“fuck. . .” 

changbin reads the time,  _ 12:12 _ , and an array of profanities spills past his lips. he’s hungry and exhausted, and not in the mood to make himself anything. his shirt is still wet, although most of it has dried by now. he peels it off, grabbing a sweatshirt from his closet and slips it on, tossing the wet shirt into his laundry basket. he grabs his laptop bag, searching for a hat to throw onto his head to cover up the bedhead, and after he finds his wallet and keys, he leaves the apartment. 

it’s still raining, and changbin shoves his earbuds into his ears, putting his music on shuffle as he walks. he enters into the first coffee shop he sees, thankful there wasn’t a long line. when it’s his turn, changbin orders a hot cup of coffee and a muffin, not that he enjoyed them, he just needed something in his system. 

he sits down at one of the tables once he gets his order, taking a sip of his coffee before looking around the shop. a lot of the customers are college students, like him, with laptops and textbooks. he pulls out his own laptop, signing in and tries to focus on doing some of his work. 

changbin gets to a few notes before being interrupted, a familiar laugh ringing in his ears and his head shoots up, looking around the shop for the source of the laughter. his eyes fall onto a familiar face.

_ minho. _

changbin hides his face behind his laptop screen, hoping he wouldn’t be recognized. 

“changbin?” 

he tries not to curse, biting his tongue and looking up from his screen. his eyes meest a pair of brown ones, and his face flushes.

“hi minho.”

“it’s been a while.”

“yeah. . .”

changbin looks away, clearing his throat as he saves the work on his laptop. 

“working on a new song?”

“yeah. assignment.”

minho sits down across from him, setting his coffee cup and phone on the table. 

“could i listen to it?”

changbin freezes, chewing nervously on the inside of his cheek. 

“okay.”

he hands minho his earbuds, waiting for him to put them in his ears before playing the song. minho closes his eyes, and changbin’s eyes water a bit, yet he wipes them harshly. 

“you changed the lyrics.” 

he didn’t think minho would notice.

“yeah. . .” 

“why?”

“didn’t like how it was before. chan helped me the first time but i thought it was too strong. . .”

“oh.”

minho returns the earbuds and changbin clears his throat, closing the program. it’s silent for a couple minutes before minho’s phone lights up. he looks at the screen briefly and grabs his coffee cup, standing up. changbin looks at him for a moment before looking away. 

“i gotta go. it was good seeing you binnie.” 

just like that, minho disappears, so fast that changbin doesn’t even have the time to say goodbye. 

when he goes home later that night, changbin collapses onto his bed and cries.

jisung practically busts his door down days later, holding a bag of fried chicken and a six pack with chan in tow. 

“dude, what the fuck. chan hyung and i have called you over twenty times.”

changbin pulls the covers over his head, rolling onto his side. chan is quick to meet him on the other side of the bed and changbin groans, sitting up in frustration.

“the professor asked about you. you haven’t shown up for three days? are you trying to flunk out of college?” chan asks, hands on his hips like a disappointed mother.

“yeah dude, we brought food and drinks just in case your fridge was empty and shit. . .half the stuff in there is expired.”

“don’t care.”

“bin, what’s up?” chan sits on the edge of the bed, a concerned look on his face.

“i saw minho.”

jisung and chan look at each other, and the room is silent. 

“do you want to eat?” jisung asks a few minutes later, setting the bag down. changbin reaches for it, opening the box inside and grabbing a piece. 

for next few minutes, the three of them eat silently on changbin’s bed, before jisung opens a can, handing it to changbin. he drinks almost half the can in one go before letting out a cough.

“was it bad?”

“jisung.”

“what?”

chan and jisung exchange looks again and changbin sighs. 

“he asked to listen to the song again. he noticed the lyrics were changed.”

“you changed the lyrics?”

_ “jisung.” _

changbin sighs again, grabbing another piece of chicken. 

“dunno. he didn’t say anything. sat down, asked to listen and left before i could say goodbye.”

“jerk.”

_ “jisung. stop.” _

it’s silent again, but changbin can feel the two of them exchanging looks for the third time, having their own silent conversation behind changbin.

“do you want to go out with us tomorrow? you could use the distraction, you look like shit.”

chan opens his mouth to scold jisung again but changbin stops him. 

“sure, i do look like shit. i need a fucking shower.”

“alright bin. do you want us to stay or should we leave you?”

changbin pushes himself off the bed, running his hands through his messy hair. 

“i’ll be fine.”

he really wasn’t. 

jisung and chan come back the next day, talking amongst themselves on the couch while changbin gets dressed. it took him a while to finally settle on something, choosing a pair of ripped jeans and a simple black shirt. he decides to throw on some eyeliner just to make his eyes pop a bit, and when he leaves his room, jisung claps and cheers for him.

“there’s our sexy guy.”

changbin looks at chan, who smiles reassuringly at him. 

when they get to the club, jisung orders shots immediately. changbin hesitates for a moment but ultimately downs his. he asks for another, followed by another, surprised that at least chan wasn’t trying to stop him. 

he gets drunk fairly quickly, downing shot after shot and having his fair share of whiskey. jisung is already on the floor when changbin gets up, dancing with some tall, black haired boy who can’t stop laughing, while chan is still sitting at their table, though he has company; a small, blonde boy with a face full of freckles. changbin watches as the boy holds onto chan while he tells another stupid joke, rolling his eyes before stumbling onto the dance floor. 

he can hear jisung’s voice from somewhere in the crowd, and for a while, he dances by himself. after a bit, the crowd grows, and suddenly there’s a boy dancing in front of him. he’s taller than changbin, with red hair and a mole on his nose. changbin stares at him, and once they make eye contact, they gravitate towards each other. the boy leans up against him slowly, and changbin places his hands on the other’s waist, his body flowing with the other’s. the boy wraps an arm around his neck, throwing his head back against changbin’s shoulder. they dance like this for what feels like hours before changbin is leaning down to lightly kiss his neck. the boy moans softly, the sound lustful and it makes changbin’s blood run cold. 

he freezes, and in a split second, he pushes away from the boy, pushing through the crowd frantically in search of the bathroom. he barely makes it to one of the stalls before he’s throwing his guts up. he grips the edge of the toilet, sitting on the dirty floor until everything in his stomach was out. shaking, he stumbles out of the stall, grabbing hold of the counter, and turns the water on. as he splashes his face, the door to the bathroom flies open and the red head walks in, eyes wide with concern. 

“minho?”

they make eye contact through the mirror and changbin forgets how to breathe.

“changbin.”

it’s silent again, and changbin shakes his head, splashing more water on his face before turning the faucet off and grabbing a handful of paper towels. 

“changbin.”

he ignores the other, dabbing the water droplets off his face and tossing the towels into the trashcan. 

“changbin, please look at me.”

he looks at the other for a moment, trembling. 

“are you okay?”

“i’ll be fine.”

he’s not fine. he pushes past minho, but the other barricades the door, cutting off his exit. 

“changbin please-”

“just stop it, minho. please let me leave.”

minho stares at him for a moment before stepping away from the door. changbin gives him a sad look before leaving the other alone in the bathroom. 

he’s on the verge of collapsing, stumbling through the crowd and past chan, who’s still chatting away with the petite blonde. he can hear the elder call out his name, but he ignores it, stumbling out of the building and waving a hand for a taxi. he gives the driver his address, hiding his face in his hands until they arrive. he pays the driver quickly, telling him to keep the change before stumbling out, tripping on the curb. 

he barely makes it into his own apartment before he collapses on the floor, tears streaming down his face. his face is pressed into the cold tiles and he eventually falls asleep where he is. 

_ ( “binnie, are you crying again?” _

_ “i don’t cry, minho.” _

_ the giggles resonate throughout the room and changbin fought the urge to knock him out.  _

_ “i can hear you sniffling. we can turn it off if it’s too sad.” _

_ “we’re watching a movie about a dog’s dying wish. of course it’s fucking sad.” _

_ minho is silent, chewing on his lip. he paused the movie and stood up, lying down on top of changbin. he reached over, gently wiping away the tears that were streaming down the younger’s face.  _

_ “binnie, you don’t have to be so emotionless all the time, you know that.” _

_ “yeah, yeah.” _

_ “i’m serious. it’s not healthy. i’m here to listen to you.” _

_ changbin didn’t reply, instead he closed his eyes and tilted his head back. minho sighed and he could feel him rest his head on his chest, fingers drawing various shapes onto his chest.  _

_ “i love you.” ) _

when changbin wakes up the next day, he’s in his own bed and he has a splitting headache. there’s a note in the kitchen from chan, accompanied by a bowl of hangover soup. changbin eats in silence, scrolling through his missing assignments and unread messages from his teacher. at this rate, he might as well drop out. he considers it before looking at one of the messages left in his inbox. 

_ you can do better, i know you changbin. just turn something in. i don’t want to fail you.  _

he stares at the message for a while before standing up, finding his laptop and opening his music program. he stares at the song still open in the program, and he starts thinking about minho. how the other would always ask to listen each time changbin added a new verse, how he noticed the lyric change, something so subtle it took chan a few listens to notice it. 

his fingers move on their own and he messes with the program for a bit, and when he plays the song again, tears run down his face. cursing, he saves the file and uploads it without thinking. he collapses back against the chair after he submits it, letting himself cry. 

changbin sits there for a good half hour before returning to bed. he finds an old video on his laptop, over an hour long, and when he clicks on it, he gets hit with a wave of nostalgia. it’s a video of him and minho, a project that the other had done for a film class. minho was a dance major and film minor, and for one of his projects, he had to document something, and of course, he chose changbin. he’d followed the other around with a camera for a few days, capturing the shorter male in his natural environment. 

changbin props his laptop on the mattress, lying down as he watches the video. minho doesn’t show his face until later, but he can hear his contagious giggles from behind the camera, teasing changbin and asking him simple questions, anything from ‘how was your day’ to ‘why did you choose your major’. 

changbin pauses the video and opens the music program again. he plays the song, setting it at a low volume. he turns onto his back, looking up at the ceiling and he feels tears stream down his face once more. the lyrics hurt almost as much as it hurts to be stoned, each word breaking his heart into smaller and smaller pieces until the whole thing shatters and falls apart. 

all he can think about is minho. his contagious laughter, his god awful jokes, his love for his three cats, a reminder he always got with the amount of pictures the other would send.  _ don’t forget i have three cats. _ he could never forget. 

he thinks about minho’s face. the mole on his nose, the way his eyelashes curl up, and the way they brushed over changbin’s face everytime they kissed. he remembers the other’s lips, upper lip fuller than the bottom one, soft and welcoming. 

his hands begin to shake. 

in his frustration, changbin rolls off the bed, screaming and throwing his pillows against the wall. he tugs on his hair and without hesitation, he drives his fist through the wall, breaking the dry wall and chipping the paint. he punches again, and again, until the pain finally settles in and he collapses to his knees on the ground. he sobs for the nth time that week, the song still playing in the background. 

he hears the front door open yet he refuses to take a look, knowing it’s chan already. 

“go away chan.”

“it’s minho.”

his body freezes up, muscles tensing and changbin releases a shaky breath. minho’s voice breaks the silence of the room. the music stops and changbin hears his laptop close, watches as minho puts in on his desk. when he looks up properly, his eyes fall on the boy, and he takes in his expression. it’s evident minho hasn’t slept in a couple days, there’s bags under his eyes, his hair is disheveled, and his clothes are baggy. he looks beautiful despite the messy look and changbin watches him kneel down. he lets minho touch his knuckles, lets him scold him for his behavior, and lets him patch up the broken skin. 

they sit in silence, changbin keeping his eyes on the way minho’s fingers lightly brushed over his knuckles, subtle yet kind and warm. there’s a sad look in minho’s eyes when changbin tries to look at his face, and he sighs. 

“what happened?”

changbin shrugs. any ability to produce words was gone in the moment. 

“another anger attack?”

minho doesn’t judge, he’s never judged. never pushed changbin to talk, never tried to stop him. he let him break the walls, throw pillows, cut his knuckles open until he was satisifed. he took changbin on late night walks when the younger couldn’t think straight and now changbin was sitting on the floor of his room unable to look him in the eyes. 

“please talk to me. i’ve been so patient with you all this time, i never pushed you, i never did anything. i listened, i waited, i respected your space and your decisions. i care about you. please, let me in. . .” 

he’s silent, unable to collect his thoughts or process that minho is sitting beside him. 

“changbin. . . stop doing this to yourself. . .please, i just want to help.”

changbin stares at him, and just as minho goes to open his mouth again, changbin grabs his face, pulling him into a kiss. it’s rough, unnecessarily so, though neither of them pull away.

“changbin-“ minho gasps when they pull apart, subtly trying to chase his lips. 

“shut up.”

he pulls minho into another kiss, unable to stop himself after months of not feeling the plush lips against his own. he flinches slightly when minho places his hand on his cheek, though he makes no move to pull away. they kiss for what feels like hours, and when changbin pulls away, minho is smiling. 

“binnie. . .”

changbin shakes his head, pushing himself up onto his feet, and minho soon follows, clearing his throat. the sad look returns quickly, the smile faltering and he fiddles with the hem of his shirt. 

“i don’t want to repeat this. . .”

“changbin-” there’s hurt in his tone, though he tries not to let it show. changbin, however, can read him like an open book. he can see the pain in minho’s eyes, the hopeful gaze. 

“minho please. just go home. stop caring so much. focus on yourself please. i’ll be fine. it’s a few holes in the wall.”

‘but-”

“minho.”

the red head shuts up then, nodding his head. changbin can feel his eyes on him and he chews on his lip nervously. minho approaches him slowly, lifts his head up and presses a gentle kiss on his cheek before he’s gone. again. 

changbin goes back to class the following day, his classmates give him weird looks for his wrapped knuckles, though he ignores the looks and focuses on his assignments. he spots chan in the courtyard on his way to class and runs into jisung near the vending machine, but he doesn’t see minho anywhere. 

on his way to his last class, he decides to take a small detour. his legs lead him through the dance hall, and peaks into each room, hoping to see the red head. he spots him in the last room, making eye contact with him through the mirror. minho turns and smiles, waving before returning to his routine. a suffocating feeling makes him stumble, and he all but runs out of the hall, towards his own classroom, feeling his cheeks burning. 

somehow, he sits through his last class, though he can’t pay attention, his mind drifting and at some point, he ends up dozing off. he only wakes up once he hears shuffling around him and students getting up to leave the hall. as he packs up his books, the professor calls his name and he curses under his breath. 

“changbin, the piece you submitted was beautiful.”

he stares at his teacher, not quite sure what to say. 

“do you think you’d be able to submit something similar by the end of next week?”

“i don’t. . .i don’t know.”

“this is a personal assignment, okay? i know you’ve been having some trouble lately. don’t worry about the class assignments. try focusing on this one, okay? it can be about whatever you want. i just don’t want your talent to go to waste.”

changbin nods, thanking his professor with a small smile before leaving the classroom. he decides to get some food on the way home, stopping by a small korean restaurant. he sits down on one of the couches, looking through the menu. 

“i’ll take it to-go if that’s okay.”

“of course.”

changbin looks up and minho is standing behind the counter. the red head offers a warm smile and changbin hesitates for a moment before looking back at the menu. he gives minho his order, watching as the other disappeared into the kitchen for a moment. when he comes back out, changbin can’t help but speak up.

“i didn’t know you worked today. . .”

minho laughs softly and nods.

“yeah, i took up a few extra shifts a while ago. just to make some more money for myself.”

“how’s your mother?”

“good. healthy, happy. like always.”

the conversation ends there, and changbin steps aside when a young woman walks up to ask minho a question. he watches minho out of the corner of his eyes, unable to tear his eyes away.

“changbin, your order is ready.” 

changbin looks up. minho is holding a bag out for the other, a smile on his face. changbin hands him his card, leaving his signature on the receipt before taking the bag.

“thank you.”

“of course.”

changbin smiles to himself as he walks out, though he can feel minho’s eyes on him. when he gets home, changbin nearly collapses again, hands shaking as he sets the bag of food down. he takes his time opening the bag, pulling out each plastic container and setting it on the table. as he goes to throw the bag away, the receipt falls out and he bends down to pick it up, freezing for a moment as his eyes read over the sharpie handwriting on the back. 

_ enjoy your food. please come over. i want to talk to you. i’m home for the rest of the week. _

changbin reads the note over and over again, staring at the beautiful handwriting. he sighs, setting the receipt down on the counter. he decides to ignore it, instead sitting down at the table and eating. 

he cleans up after himself, for once, and washes the few dishes in the sink. he occasionally glances over at the receipt, though he ultimately ignores its heavy presence. he showers after, taking his time and trying to process every little thing that’s happened. 

it takes him a while to fall asleep, tossing and turning. when he does fall asleep, changbin wakes up drenched in sweat. he looks around frantically, as if searching for something in his room, only to be met with the darkness. in his confused state, changbin grabs his laptop, searching through old text messages between him and minho. he finds the conversation they had over favorite movies, minho angry at changbin for shitting on the notebook. he can still hear minho’s grumbling and whining from that day. 

without much thinking, changbin finds the movie on itunes, renting it quickly. he places the laptop on his stomach, focusing on the movie. he eventually falls asleep, though there're tears in his eyes as he does. 

it’s been a few days since changbin saw minho, though he receives a few texts from the other, all of which he ignores. the movie still runs through his mind, along with the personal assignment he was given from his professor. no ideas come to mind, and he considers going back to his spot at the park, though he’s stopped by chan’s call.

“you okay?”

“yeah, why wouldn’t i be?”

chan sighs and changbin can hear his disappointment. 

“you’ve just been. . .distant since we went out. did something happen?”

“i just saw minho, that’s it.”

“there’s more.”

changbin’s the one to sigh this time. 

“bin, you gotta talk to us, it’s not healthy.”

“i danced with him, okay? i danced with him and i got close and it didn’t work out, okay? i felt sick to my stomach and i went home!”

chan is quiet, and despite the silence, changbin can’t hear himself think. 

“i’m coming over.”

“no-”

chan hangs up and changbin can’t help but drop his phone onto the floor. he stands in the middle of the living room, waiting for chan to arrive. the other invites himself inside, and they look at each other. 

“bin, talk to me.”

“fuck off, chan.”

“please, just talk about something. anything, it doesn’t have to be minho. just. . . i’m here to listen.”

changbin feels tears roll down his face as he looks up at chan, eyebrows furrowed in anger. he watches as chan approaches him, but he shoves the other away, anger building up slowly. 

“i was doing fine, chan! i was doing so fucking fine until i saw his fucking face at the coffee shop. he looks  _ fine,  _ chan. he looks absolutely fine. why? why is he okay while i’m the one tearing myself apart?”

chan is silent, which only prompts changbin to keep going.

“i danced with him, i put my fucking hands on his waist. i told him to leave me alone when he asked me if i was okay. i ran away from him  _ again. _ and then i saw him again when i went to get food, he left me a fucking note in my bag. he asked me to come over so we could talk. and he’s been texting me nonstop. i’m so tired.”

chan frowns, shaking his head as he bends down to pick up changbin’s phone. he hands it back to him, and changbin stares at the 50 unread messages. 

“you’re leaving something out. your knuckles are wrapped. if i go into your room, am i going to find holes in the wall again?”

changbin is silent, hiding his fists from the other, though he knows chan has his answer. 

“bin-”

“don’t fucking say it. i don’t want to hear it.”

“then what else happened?”

“he came over, that night. when i lost it. i thought it was you, but it was minho. he calmed me down and tried to get me to talk. fuck chan, i didn’t want to talk. i kissed him to shut him up.  _ i fucking kissed him. _ and now i’m ignoring him. what a joke.”

changbin is sobbing by the time he’s done talking, tears streaming down his face and he feels anger build up again. he starts throwing pillows off the couch, knocks over a picture frame. he can hear glass shattering but he continues. another picture frame shatters and changbin curses, staring at the ripped picture of him and minho lying on the floor. he picks it up, cutting his finger on the glass. he tears the picture into pieces, dropping to his knees. he feels chan wrap his arms around him and he drops the pieces of the picture onto the floor. changbin leans into the open arms after thrashing around for a bit, letting chan hold onto him. 

the silence is deafening, and when changbin stops crying, chan pulls him to his feet slowly, leading him over to the couch. changbin watches as chan cleans up the mess he made, though the blonde is careful not to cut himself on the glass. he wraps a bandage around changbin’s finger when he’s done, bending down to look changbin in the eyes. 

“you should go see him.”

“no.” 

“seriously, changbin. look how shitty it’s making you feel. go see him. talk to him. it could help you both. please. it can’t hurt to try. worst case scenario you guys don’t work it out and agree to cut each other off completely.”

changbin stares at him, angrily wiping his eyes before nodding. 

“i’m gonna go, okay? please go see him. it’ll mean a lot for the both of you.”

changbin nods silently, watching as chan leaves the apartment before curling up on the couch. 

a few days pass until changbin finally finds the courage to go see minho. it takes him a few hours to figure out what to wear, what to say, where to go. it took him a moment to remember that minho still lived with his parents, and he searched through their texts for the correct address. once he found it, he found the correct bus route, leaving his apartment after giving himself the shittiest pep talk. 

he curses himself the entire ride there, feeling his hands shake when the bus finally pulls up at his stop. he thanks the driver under his breath, stepping off and looking down at his phone to check the house number. he finds it by memory, though, minho’s parents’ house always stood out. a large, white house with green windows and flower pots on the windowsills. 

changbin remembers how much minho’s mother loved to garden. he remembers the fruits and vegetables she grew in the backyard, always offering him the fresh ones each time he visited. he feels bad now, knowing minho’s mom probably hates him for hurting her son. 

he dreads knocking on the door, and when he does, he’s faced with just the person he was dreading to see. minho’s mother. instead of yelling at him, she smiles, stepping aside. 

“changbin, hi.”

he stares at her in shock, waiting to be cursed out, hit, threatened, but it never comes. minho’s mother just stands there and smiles, waiting for him to come inside. 

“come in, please. minho’s in the backyard.”

changbin hesitates, but he steps inside slowly, feeling the familiar sense of warmth. minho’s house was always welcoming, his mother constantly baking something delicious for changbin to try. he felt bad, knowing it must’ve broken her heart. he often thought about the countless times minho’s mother called changbin her son. 

he jumps a bit when he feels something brush up against his leg, looking down at a familiar orange ball of fur. 

“hey soonie. . .” he whispers, bending down to pet the cat, who nuzzles his hand welcomingly. 

“still remembers you.” minho’s voice brings changbin back to reality, and the male looks up to see minho standing in the doorway of the kitchen, dori in his arms. 

“yeah. . .”

it’s quiet for a moment before minho bends down to his level, setting dori on the floor. 

“didn’t think you’d show up.”

“chan forced me to come. thought it’d be good for the both of us.”

“as always. what a good therapist.” minho laughs softly, standing up straight and motioning for changbin to follow after him. 

they walk by his mother, through the kitchen and out to the backyard, minho closing the door behind them. they sit on the couches on the patio, minho’s cats accompanying both boys. changbin watches as they walk around, purring and meowing at each other. 

“how’s your hand?” minho asks, breaking the silence. 

“fine.”

“changbin please. don’t be difficult. if you only came here to do chan a favor, you can leave. i want to talk, and i mean talk seriously. without all the dry attitude.” 

changbin sits up, looking at minho before nodding silently. 

“i’m sorry, about the club. i shouldn’t have pushed.”

“it’s okay. i shouldn’t have run away like that. i wasn’t thinking. i panicked.”

“i know. i hope the food made up for it.”

changbin laughs softly. “it was good, thank you.”

it’s quiet again, so quiet that changbin can hear his own thoughts. he can hear his ears ringing, the little pitter patter of the cats’ paws on the concrete. he closes his eyes, putting his head in his hands as he tries to collect his thoughts. all the memories of him and minho come flooding back, rushing in like a tsunami wave. it hurts, but he deals with it. he soon finds himself clearing his throat and getting to his feet, walking around in circles. he walks over to the patch of tomatoes growing by the porch. he can feel minho’s eyes on him, but he chooses to ignore the feeling.

“they look good.” he points, running his fingers over the vegetable.

“yeah. just about ready to pick. mom’s been very passionate about them recently.” he can hear minho get up as well, hears him walk over and he turns around to stop the other from coming any closer. 

“i’m sorry. for everything. for the way i treatd you when we were together. i was angry. i don’t know why, but i was. i was just so mad at the world and i didn’t know how to express it.”

“changbin, it’s okay.”

“no. no, it’s not. i took my anger out on you, i didn’t talk to you when i should’ve. i lashed out, i got self-destructive, and i hurt you in the end. i’m pathetic. i hurt you but you’re the one that’s okay. you’re the one that’s moved on and doing okay while i’m stuck thinking about you and i can’t get away from it. i see you everywhere, minho. in the club, in my house, in the coffee shop. you won’t leave me alone.”

“i’m sorry.”

“i finally watched that stupid movie you kept bugging me to watch. the notebook. your voice kept playing in my head, begging me to watch it until i gave in. i fell asleep. still thought it was dumb.”

“was worth a try though, wasn’t it?” 

“not really.”

minho laughs softly, before the silence returns. changbin stares at him, even more confused than before. it starts thundering, and both of them look up at the sky when a lightning bolt strikes.

“binnie. . . i miss you. i look okay, but i’m not. i keep thinking about that night. it replays in my head all the time, the way you got angry and snapped at me. . .”

“i’m sorry. i shouldn’t have done that. i know. . . i didn’t mean to scare you like that. i just. . . i was frustrated and upset and i didn’t know how to put it into words. . .”

“you should’ve talked to me, then. i was your boyfriend for a reason! to listen to you, to help you through anything you were struggling with. i’m not some pretty doll you put on display.”

“i know that. i just didn’t want to scare you!”

“you scared me even more by getting mad and punching holes in the wall! that scared me more than you not talking to me! i know it’s hard, i promise. i know. but you need to open up if you’re struggling, or else it’ll eat you out from the inside. like it is now.”

changbin continues to stare at him, clenching his fists in frustration. he knows minho’s right, but he doesn’t want to admit it. doesn’t want to accept the fact that he was wrong and he should’ve asked for help. 

“stop trying to do things yourself, changbin! if you need help, ask for it! i’m there for a reason! chan and jisung are there for a reason! what do you think friends do? stand there and make you look friendly and cute? no! they’re there to support you, jackass!”

changbin jumps when it thunders again, watching as the rain began to fall. he held his hand out, feeling the water hit his skin. 

“you’re a fucking asshole for thinking i was fine without you! you’re dumb for thinking that i was okay, that i had moved on so fast! what in your right mind made you think i was doing okay, huh? i was miserable, just as much as you were!”

changbin drowns out minho’s shouting, looking over at the pouring rain. he stepped off the patio, walking onto the grass and standing under the rain. he closes his eyes, tilting his head up and letting the droplets hit his skin.

“changbin!” minho calls out to him, watching for a moment before following after, joining the other under the rain. they stand together, listening to the rain and thunder, and occasional meowing of minho’s cats.

changbin opens his eyes soon after, looking at minho. the droplets rest on his eyelashes, making them curl even more. the rain runs down his face, hair sticking to his skin, shirt soaked, but minho doesn’t seem to mind. impulsively, changbin reaches out, wrapping his hands around minho’s waist and pulling him closer. 

“changbin-!” minho cries out, only to be muffled by changbin’s lips pressed against his own. they both jump at the sound of thunder, staring at each other in shock. 

“i’m sorry. i was an idiot. i can’t stop thinking about you, minho. i don’t want to lose you, i really don’t. i was an idiot for not opening up, for not trying to talk to you. i’m sorry for making you feel like shit. all i wanted was for you to be happy, so i kept my distance.”

minho stares at him in disbelief before his fists go flying, hitting changbin in the chest as tears stream down his face. 

“you idiot! i’m not going to be happy without you! i was miserable! do you know how happy i was to see you in that coffee shop working on your music? i was so happy to see you dancing in the club that i didn’t say anything because i didn’t want to scare you off! i was happy when you came to get some food from my place! i was happy just to see your face again, changbin! that’s all i want! i want you, and i want you to be happy.” 

in a split second, changbin leans forward, trying to kiss minho again. however, he trips over his own feet, sending him falling on top of the other boy, knocking him down into the wet grass. minho yells out in shock, whining at the gross feeling though he wraps his arms around changbin’s neck, pulling him closer. 

“god, you’re an idiot. what made you think i was happier without you? what made you think i moved on?”

“your smile, dumbass.”

minho laughs, pulling him into a kiss, hands cupping his face and smiling against changbin’s lips. 

“the only dumbass here is you, binnie.”


End file.
